So. I work in central London, in this multinational corporation where people worry you’ll run crying to the Human Resources Department if they as much as sneeze in your presence. I’m Romanian, a geek and a girl. I have yet to run crying to the Human Resources Department.
But there are other things you should know about me. That is, unless my colleagues have somewhat jokingly mentioned them already:
- I steal. It’s gotten quite bad, actually. Make sure you hide your Magic Mice and smartphones if you see me sneaking by. Oh and be careful! I might also attempt to steal your job when you’re not looking. In fact, it’s in the Romanian Bible: Blessed are those who steal everybody’s jobs, for they shall inherit all European Union countries. Look it up.
- I don’t actually do any work. You may see me typing away at times, which you may innocently take for coding, but in fact, all I’m doing is dispatching instructions to an army of real, proper coders in Romania. I pay them each half a penny an hour to solve my every task, for which they are eternally grateful. Did you not know £1 can get you a five bedroom house in that God forsaken country?
- I’ve got this master plan to bring my entire family and all my friends over across the Channel. Don’t worry, it will only be about fifty or sixty of them. We’ll all be living in the office, sleeping on and under your desks. They’re nice enough people, it’s going to be fine. It’s true, they steal (we are family after all!), are lazy and only use soap on February 29th, but you’ll grow to love them, I swear!
- Other than that, I’m just your regular female geek. Utterly unfit for social interactions, dreading any form of outside contact but desperate to get married (an enigma, don’t ask), uninterested in participating in any of the decision making, but happy to type away in her little cocoon, surrounded by flocks of pink, imaginary butterflies.
A pleasure to meet you.